What information are you driving around with?

In this month’s blog post, I’m coming right for your stick figure family on the back of your family van. 

Let’s chat about car safety. Now I know you may think those ‘student driver’ stickers keep your teenager safer… But let me tell you, people are not kind, they will purposefully tailgate your teenager for shits and gigs. Save your teenager the embarrassment and keep that off their car. Now onto the serious stuff… Let’s pretend I’m a burglar, who also happens to work in your office complex.

Now, because we work in the same building, I know you get into work about 7:00 (because I get there at 7:30 and you’re already here) you also leave work about 2:45 everyday. You drive the pretty blue van that is just covered with bumper stickers. 

Little did you know, but with your car alone, I know pretty much everything there is to know about you. Don’t believe me? Let me explain, according to your bumper stickers:

• You have a spouse, a dog, and a son. (Gotta love stick figure families!)
• You have a lovable French Bulldog.
• Your son is on the honor roll at the local Middle School.
• Your son is also on the youth lacrosse team, you just LOVE lax.
• Your spouse is a truck driver.

Still don’t believe me? Did you know that the school releases a list of students who are on honor roll? Pretty easy to figure out which student is yours. Did you also know that the youth lacrosse team has their rosters online, along with their schedules? Now if I drive by your house, the one that’s listed on our office database, I see that your spouse drives for and works at MAC truck? Guess they work pretty long hours, huh?

With all this information, plus the fact that you’re a bit of a chatty Cathy at the office and ALWAYS leave early on Fridays in the spring to take your son to his lacrosse games and every other Wednesday you bring your dog into the office so you can drop her at the groomer next door to our building, I know just when to ‘stop by’ your home.

You see, I can find out so many things about your family without even talking to you, I observe everything, that’s what I’m good at, that’s why I’ve made it my mission to target your home on Wednesday midday, Friday evenings, or even every other weekend in the spring when that club lacrosse team, that your sweet little Billy has his biweekly tournaments…

Isn’t it funny how all of those bumper stickers on your car can lead me straight to a window of opportunity to target your house? Thus allowing me to gain access into your home when I know nobody will be around and be gone again before you even notice I was there in the first place. I’m also super excited to see if your son makes the honor roll again next year… 

Thanks for the chat, let’s do it again soon.